I want to start this day over. I want to redo this day. I want to be back at work. I want to be back with Ivy and everyone. They made me smile, made me keep my mind off things. I had funn. Sitting at home just makes everything hit me. Everything that is going on is really happening. Everything I hoped wouldnt happen really happened. Sigh, I keep telling myself I should have known better but like a fool I let it happen. Hieu and Ivy’s boyfriend Dung bought us dinner which really made my day. The meeting today at work was longg gaw, started thirty minutes late then lasted an hour and half, got home at midnight and now sitting here. I should sleep for work tomorrow but FML. I can’t sleep. All I can do is think and write or blog. I told Hieu I wouldn’t do handles no more, but those were the things keeping me asleep through the night. Sigh I wonder how tonight will go.
I’m dying inside, it hurts, it aches. I hate this feeling. I rather not feel at all. Please just take my heart out and take the pain. I’m already empty inside, idc. idgaf. Poppingg, not giving a fuck. Only thing that can keep me from having uneasy nights, only thing to help me sleep all the way through.
It hurts, it really does. I may play it off, I may look mad, I may act like I hate you, but deep down. Im aching. Deep down I tell myself hold it together. I don’t need this hurt, I don’t need this pain. I need happiness. You were my happiness, but you were just a figment of imagination. You turned out to be everything I was scared of, everything I hope not. Now I’ve fallen and you didn’t catch me. I should’ve learned, I should’ve known better. I should have went with my instincts, I never should have let you in, I never should’ve let you be so involved in my life. Again, I’m left with a aching heart, with all this pain in my chest. No more will I let myself fall in love, I’m done with all that lovey dovey shit. I fly solo, one deep. Trust no nigga.
happy 2nd month hun! [: my gosh our second month has been up and down! my god fuckin crying every single week over you. -__-” but we did have hella good times with eachother[x damn we been feeling like crap over bullshit the past two weeks. we can fight a thousand times a day. but i know…
AWW thats so cutee, congrats you twoo, wish you the best. Jimmy knows not to fuck with youu, <3
"All the lies you told were right in front of me" What was I thinking, why do I keep trying to fix something not there. You played me like a fool over and over. Each time you came back, each time you told me a bigger lie. I blame myself for giving you so many chances, now I see that it was all bullshit. All for nothing. Think twice before you dare step back into my life because I won’t be around for you to come back to. You’ve abused, took for granted, and surely never appreciated any of it. I was there through thick and thin, two years, two motherfcken years. What a waste of my time, feelings, and space in my heart. You wasted two years of my feelings, two years of my time, waiting around thinking maybe just maybe one day things will turn around for us. That maybe one day we’ll have that future we knew would happen. Too busy my ass. Why did I even let you back in so many times? Why did I let you hurt me? Why was I so vulnerable? Maybe I thought it was me, maybe I wasn’t good enough. In the end, I was the only one putting in my all while you found other ways to push me away. I wish I learned from first times you hurt me, from the beginning. Now I know better, now I’m done with you. No more going back because there was never anything to go back to. I just wanna erase you from my mind, life, heart, memory.. Erase everything of and about you..
Lents coming up! Oh jooyy, no meat Fridays. Mmm, Im giving up Tapioca, junk food, and soda. I was going to give up cursing but Im not sure that will last longg. Field trip today to that park was horriblee, planting trees in a half watery pond was nastyyy. Oh welll got some community service and missing class is all that counts. Let’s call it a nightt.
The confusion, the lies. What is the truth now? It was too good to be true, it was all so hard to believe. My feelings, my instincts. I should have known better, I should have learned the last times. In the end, hurt and pain is along my side. Happiness comes and go. Speechless, blank. I love you becomes more meaningless from you. The more I think of this, the more I want to just forget you. I want to numb with no feelings. I don’t want to feel happiness if sadness is right behind it. I want to trust you, but can’t. I love you but don’t want to. I want to just go back, go back to when I was fine without you. To where my heart was still beating steady. Now it skips, sometimes I don’t feel it. sometimes I feel like it skips a beat or doesn’t beat at all. I don’t want a broken heart because I’ll lose the pieces..